Tuesday, September 9, 2008

God's Wet Dream

I am sure that I am so evil, I must be the cause of Ike coming directly at my house in South Texas. That is because God always punishes evil doers who have sinned. God treats humanity so meanly and arbitrarily he can only be a very perverse god. God is always punishing us for the things we do even if we haven't done them. Jimmy Carter, after all, said he'd sinned in his heart. Since Rev. Hagee (and thus Sen. John McShame) believe that Katrina was visited upon New Orleans because of homosexuals, I can only conclude God is sending us this hurricane to punish the queers. Curiously, though, he named the hurricane "Ike" and as everyone knows Eisenhower was a Republican president. Perhaps the hurricane is the Ghost of Eisenhower trying to tell us again about the military-industrial complex. All of our money is going to war. I think storms like Ike -- and I still don't like Ike -- are sent by God during his wet dreams about human beings.

Now, it occurs to me, why presume God is Hagee's; the destroying deity might be Allah for all we know. If the Jihadists are correct, my town is prime territory: site of a Naval Base and uploading of a significant portion of sea cargo headed for the Mideast. Maybe bin Laden asked Allah to bring Ike upon us. If this is so, the Christers will be hard put to prove their god is better than bin Laden's god. But if we start blaming Allah, we speed up Armageddon, which could only please Gov. Failin', Flyboy John, and Rev. Hagee. I mean, wasn't he the guy who said Hitler was God's gift to Christers because Hitler chased all the Jews out of Europe to end up settling in the Holy Land, right out of Revelations, right?

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