Friday, January 16, 2009

"God" Hates Phred Phelps

Shhhhhhhhhh! Don't tell Rev. Phred this, but many Biblical scholars now claim that the sin of Sodom was not the "vice" that gave "sodomy" its name. There is plenty of reason to believe that the only sin of the citizens of Sodom and Gomorrah was that they were inhospitable. That's right, the Sodomitic sin was their xenophobia. These were nomadic peoples who came to expect a welcome mat. After all, they were welcomed by every other oasis except Sodom and Gomorrah, welcomed not only with free room and board, but also the wife or concubines. The men of Sodom simply acted like Procustes of old, who welcomed strangers to a bed that was either too long or too short, in which case Procustes simply stretched them to fit or cut off their feet.

Not only that, but geologists working in that part of the Mideast have found conclusive evidence that the infamous "Cities of the Plain" were destroyed not by "God" but by fissures in the relatively-young earth, fissures that emitted mephitic gas. Yes, Phred, "God" made a Sodomite light a match. Kaboom! The whole damned place went up in flames, accompanied by seismographic activity no doubt. I should think that Lot, experiencing something like that, would have been half out of his mind, so he looked back and thought he saw his wife turn into a pillar of something.

Then, again, Lot may have wanted to be rid of her. When bigots like Phred and Rick Warren rant on and on about the evils of homosexuality, ask them if their "God" is in favor of father-child incest. Naturally, they'll say, "Of course not!" To which, you may want to remind them that Lot impregnated his daughters with his own seed to propagate his tribe. I don't mind Phelps and his ilk picketing gay and military funerals, I just wish he'd quit practicing cafeteria Christeranity.

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